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trysdynThere's another meeting tomorrow. I don't expect cuts to start yet. There's a lot of legal red tape that has to happen first. Still, it's none too pleasant a situation. On top of that, my roommate/partner/etc has been having medical issues. Nothing extreme, but we've had to dip into the urgent care a few times over the past month and boy am I looking forward to losing our insurance...
Those of us that bonded at this company ran off and formed a chat room elsewhere so we could keep in touch if the axe falls suddenly. Today the topic of that chat somehow turned to me and my presentation. A few times through my tenure here I dropped my enby presentation and went in full femme. Nothing extreme, usually my tank-top blouse, frilled jacket, and a skirt. I usually did this as dire stress relief as I found it oddly comforting to dress in sharp contrast to societal expectation. Fortunately it never got bad enough that I felt the need to start wearing my PVC stuff... eh heh.
In any case, in a more frank and open environment my coworker-friends expressed some interesting thoughts on it. A strange conversation ensued about a male coworker finding my femme presentation cute, which led to the comment "I AM straight but you're not a dude so..." I found the whole thing almost comforting in a strange way, though I'm sure it was awkward as hell for him. I'd quipped many times that my goal was to cause that confusion about gender roles but at the same time, I'm not a fan of causing discomfort. This was all in good fun though :)
I'm unsure what I'll do if I have to restart with a new company. Showing up on day one in a mode enby enough to be obvious would set an expectation, and this IS still Silicon Valley where these kinds of shenanigans are expected. At the same time, my MO tends to be to establish competency BEFORE becoming "That insane sysadmin everyone puts up with" -- Then again, maybe enby could be a baseline and the "Eccentric sysadmin" push could be the more fun things I want to start weaving into my public presentation. Hmm.
I guess I'll have to feel that out as I go. Besides, I'm not fired from this job yet.
On another note, it's 2am and I'm only just now getting tired. Good. I've been having sleep schedule problems for weeks. This is about where I want to be.
Those of us that bonded at this company ran off and formed a chat room elsewhere so we could keep in touch if the axe falls suddenly. Today the topic of that chat somehow turned to me and my presentation. A few times through my tenure here I dropped my enby presentation and went in full femme. Nothing extreme, usually my tank-top blouse, frilled jacket, and a skirt. I usually did this as dire stress relief as I found it oddly comforting to dress in sharp contrast to societal expectation. Fortunately it never got bad enough that I felt the need to start wearing my PVC stuff... eh heh.
In any case, in a more frank and open environment my coworker-friends expressed some interesting thoughts on it. A strange conversation ensued about a male coworker finding my femme presentation cute, which led to the comment "I AM straight but you're not a dude so..." I found the whole thing almost comforting in a strange way, though I'm sure it was awkward as hell for him. I'd quipped many times that my goal was to cause that confusion about gender roles but at the same time, I'm not a fan of causing discomfort. This was all in good fun though :)
I'm unsure what I'll do if I have to restart with a new company. Showing up on day one in a mode enby enough to be obvious would set an expectation, and this IS still Silicon Valley where these kinds of shenanigans are expected. At the same time, my MO tends to be to establish competency BEFORE becoming "That insane sysadmin everyone puts up with" -- Then again, maybe enby could be a baseline and the "Eccentric sysadmin" push could be the more fun things I want to start weaving into my public presentation. Hmm.
I guess I'll have to feel that out as I go. Besides, I'm not fired from this job yet.
On another note, it's 2am and I'm only just now getting tired. Good. I've been having sleep schedule problems for weeks. This is about where I want to be.
